Most brides become obsessed with throwing the perfect wedding. The
bride-zilla persona takes over and can cause incredible pressure and
strain on all involved. What most brides fail to realize is that the
majority of details they fuss over, go unnoticed by guests and are
forgotten by the bride and groom during the excitement of the big day.

Over
the past five months I have attended six weddings, and in the past
three years nearly twenty. My husband and I are in our early 30’s, and
wedding bells have been ringing simultaneously for all of our friends.
My own wedding was well orgainzed but also incredibly fun and
stress-free. I went swimming in the ocean the day of the wedding, and
except for a few details only we noticed, the event went off without a
hitch. Five years later, we still have guests commenting on how much
fun they had, and how relaxed everything was.

Almost all of the
weddings we’ve attended reflected the personality of the couple getting
married, with simple details that made an impact. However, a few were
extremely inconvenient for guests and a nightmare for the bride and
groom. To avoid the last scenario, here are a few tips to streamline
the planning process, reduce cost, stress, and hopefully provide some
ideas for memorable wedding.

1. Size Matters: Keep the guest list
as small as possible. Editing the guest list will most likely cause the
most headaches of the entire wedding process. The size of the wedding
will affect everything from overall cost to how much time you get to
spend with friends and family. Between 100 and 150 is a reasonable and
manageable number, but I’ve been to weddings much smaller and they were
lovely. A 300 or 400 person wedding is more like a convention and will
be outrageously expensive. Make some tough decisions, and remember you
don’t have to invite every cousin or allow guests to bring dates just
to pair them up.

The size of the wedding party can also elevate
stress levels. I had one bridesmaid and my husband had two groomsmen. A
large wedding party can increase costs, personal conflicts, and make
the wedding seem cumbersome. Unless you have a great wedding
coordinator, keep the number small to avoid clothing issues, wedding
day logistics and multiple thank-you gifts.

2. Location,
Location, Location: A convenient and beautiful location will be
remembered and appreciated by guests. Access to good, reasonably priced
accommodation is key. I have been to a few weddings at boat clubs and
they were wonderful. It’s nice for guests to have an outside option if
the weather is hot. A nice deck overlooking water can’t be beat. One
wedding I attended even had an old fashioned trolley car take us from
the chapel to the reception, which I thought was a great touch.

The
location of the toilets is also something to consider. With all those
toasts, a bathroom should be handy. Convenience is what a wedding guest
remembers, and the more bathrooms the better. Stock each bathroom with
a few essentials like: gum, floss, hairspray, mints, small sewing kit
and toothpicks. It’s a small gesture that people notice and appreciate.

3.
Eat, Drink and Be Married: You must feed and water your guests. There
is no way around this. However, depending on the time of day, it can be
done inexpensively but with class. An afternoon wedding can lend itself
to cocktails and appetizers or a basic buffet can be great. A buffet
allows guests to move around and there seems to be more room for
negotiating a price. Make sure that fresh, quality ingredients are used
no matter what the meal style.

Do not have a large gap between
the ceremony and dinner. If you plan to take photographs, have a
cocktail hour for your guests. No need for a lot of food, but a simple
and elegant cheese tray with fresh fruit and crackers will do. A friend
of mine also had a bowl of chocolate truffles for guests to snack on.
Always provide a non-alcoholic option for guests. A wedding I recently
attended had a wonderful bright yellow old-fashioned lemonade dispenser
surrounded by exquisite glasses. A great treat on a hot day.

Also,
best to start speeches during the meal. No one likes to be trapped
after eating and spend the next hour or two listening to long and
sometimes bad speeches. No one remembers speeches, but they remember
being kept hostage at the table. Also, under no circumstances do you
open the mike up to the room. I’ve seen what can happen and it’s not
pretty. If possible, choose an organized and funny MC. This can take so
much pressure off the bride and groom and really sets the mood for the
rest of the evening.

4. The Devil is in the Details: All of the
extras such as the cake, flowers, decorations, music, and guest favors
can break the bank and create a lot of work for the bride. You need to
simplify in this area because most of these details are not remembered
and sometimes add little to the wedding. For my wedding I actually did
away with a wedding cake, garter and flower toss. I don’t regret it but
if you choose to stick with tradition, use flowers judiciously and opt
for a very simple but beautiful cake. Centerpieces can be one flower or
candles and lanterns, use your imagination. Fewer flowers and
decorations can reduce cost, transportation issues and wedding day
set-up time.

If you have dancing, make sure you hire a great band
that understands the audience demographics, or a DJ that will play
requests. I had a wonderful DJ that actually referred to himself as a
‘dance motivator’, and he wasn’t exaggerating.

Two months ago I
attended a wedding where the bride personally made her own favors.
Individual cakes, thank you cards, and place markers for each place
setting. At the end of the night, most of these were left on the tables
and no one really understood the amount of work she put into them. One
of the nicest weddings I attended simply had box of high end chocolates
per couple and I thought that was great. Personally made CD’s made nice
parting gifts too, but take much more work. Guests only require
something little as a thank-you, as they will receive a note from you
later on.

5. Memories: I think this is an area where couples make
the biggest mistake. Skimping on a professional photographer should
never be done. I can say this from experience. We had a family friend
take photos and they just didn’t turn out. I can’t stress enough that
you will be happy about this investment, and a videographer isn’t a bad
idea either. Having a professional in this role will give you piece of
mind and they will make sure that Aunt Minnie wasn’t left out, saving
explanations down the road. Just be sure to meet with the photographer
to let them know what style you’re thinking of.

In closing, pick
and choose your battles. Sometimes it’s better to save feelings and
relationships than have a particular color or food. Know what you want
and let all the other distractions fade away. Use these tips as a guide
and your wedding can be fun, stress free, and memorable.

Jane Arnold is a freelance writer and part-time wedding guest. Check out more wedding resources at her website http://www.girlyside.com/girlyside.html
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